Even a perfectly wonderful life—like mine, for example—has moments one would just as soon not re-live.

This afternoon I was in my hotel room in Los Angeles waiting for a call from Lisa Annenberg, who does the pre-show interviews for Craig Ferguson. (This is my ninth (!) appearance on the show, and Lisa and I always have a good time with the interviews, and then I go on and Craig and I wind up talking about something completely different. Which is fine.)

So we had it arranged that Lisa would call me on my iPhone, and she did, and three sentences in the connection cut out. And one of us called the other, and it happened again. And when I went to call her back, my phone wouldn’t work. At all.

So I called her on the hotel room land line, and all was well, and afterward the iPhone still wouldn’t work. The screen would brighten when I pressed the little circle, and would invite me to slide the thingy to unlock it, but it wouldn’t slide, and hence wouldn’t unlock, and would eventually just darken again, to match my mood. At one point—don’t ask me how—Siri came on to ask me how she could help me. “I can’t slide the screen to turn the phone on,” I said. And she said—by God, I am *not* making this up—she said, “Well, if you can’t, you can’t.”


Finally I picked up the landline and called my cell phone. And it rang, and I answered it, and now it works the way it’s supposed to, and the way it always worked in the past.


—LB, who is manifestly TOFTS