I just posted this on Facebook, where it seems to be getting a lot of attention. So here it is for the rest of y’all:
BERNIE RHODENBARR’S PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY SANDWICH
1. Locate breadbox in host apartment. Remove two slices of bread.
2. Search cupboards and fridge for peanut butter.
3. Search cupboards and fridge for jelly.
4. Get a knife from the silverware drawer.
5. Spread peanut butter on one slice of bread.
6. Spread jelly on other slice of bread.
7. Combine two slices of bread, with peanut butter and jelly facing inward.
8. Slice sandwich in half diagonally.
9. Eat sandwich.
10. Wash and put away knife.
11. Wipe prints off peanut butter and jelly jars and replace.
12. Resume illegal activities in host apartment.