All those exclamation points.

I know. I’ve been reading too many comic books. But I’m excited, and it’s hard for me to contain myself.

The big news is that my new novel, Dead Girl Blues, is now available for preorder. I thought I’d have to wait until 90 days before the release date, but it turned out I was misinformed.

Like Whatsisname in Whatchamacallit. He said he came for the waters.

Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca. Never mind. You still have to wait until June 24th to read the book, but you can place your ebook order now—at Amazon  Barnes & Noble  Apple  Kobo  Tolino/Thalia.

Why pay now for something I won’t get until June 24th?

That’s not what happens. They don’t charge you until they deliver the book.

Oh. I didn’t know that. Still, what’s the advantage of placing the order now?

Well, it means you won’t have to tie a string around your finger. No little reminders popping up in your Google Calendar. You’ll get the book as soon as it’s released.

It’s true that I’ve already got more than enough to keep track of.

You and everybody else. And, just to reward you for doing the prudent thing, you get the ebook for $7.99. The day it’s published, the price skyrockets to $9.99.

That’s still pretty reasonable. But if I can save two dollars—

Exactly.

You’re not just publishing ebooks of this one, are you? Won’t you be doing a paperback? Or maybe a hardcover?

How about both? A paperback and a library-binding hardcover, the latter an edition the printer calls Case Laminate. We’ve done several books that way—Generally Speaking, Hunting Buffalo, and The Burglar in Short Order—and people seem to like them.

So when can I preorder a Case Laminate edition of Dead Girl Blues?

Soon, I hope. But for now only the ebook is preorderable. Don’t ask me why.

Why not? I’m sorry. Oh, I’m just all confused. I don’t want to miss the book, but I might decide I want the hardbound one, the whatchamacallit—

Case Laminate.

Right. But I don’t think I want them both, and if I order the one and then change my mind and decide I want to order the other—

You can cancel your preorder for the ebook. A simple mouse click and you’re off the hook. But even if you don’t want the ebook under any circumstances, may I suggest you click the Amazon link and go to the Dead Girl Blues page?

Whatever for?

To read the product description. It’s designed to get you to buy the book, of course. But it’s also designed to prevent you from buying the book.

Why on earth would you want to do that?

Because some of y’all won’t like it. A whole lot of top publishers declined to make offers for Dead Girl Blues, and I  can see where they’re coming from. So I’ve tried to make sure that readers are forewarned.

OTOH, the product description includes unqualified raves from a couple of very heavy hitters, writers whose endorsement may lead you to click that preorder button.

You’re not going to tell us their names?

You’ll have to look for yourselves.

But shall we move on? You may remember I arranged to conduct a workshop Tuesday and Thursday evenings in April at the Center for Fiction in Brooklyn. Well, that was before the virus went viral, so to speak. I pulled the plug on it, then thought of a way to offer it from a distance, and at no charge to participants. I don’t want to waste space on it here, but if you’re curious just check out this thread of tweets, and if that doesn’t kill your interest, email me as indicated. No, it’s not like sitting down with the group—but when social distancing is the buzzword du jour, that’s as much a plus as a minus. And, you know, the price point of $0.00 is a definite attraction.

Hard to argue with you on that one.

And now to #3. You can’t leave the house, the last thing you want is company, and they keep breaking into your TV programs with news you’d rather not hear. So what’s the answer?

Books to read and audiobooks to listen to, I’d say, and you probably worked that out on your own, but maybe I can urge something of mine upon you. I certainly ought to mention that Michael Bonner, whose voicing of Step By Step and The Liar’s Bible has delighted so many of you, has now come through with another of my books for writers, The Liar’s Companion.

Another recent audiobook, and one that’s been having a nice spurt in sales, is Ronald Rabbit is a Dirty Old Man, which Isaac Asimov called “either the funniest dirty book or the dirtiest funny book ever.” Theo Holland makes it a genuine treat for your ears—and whatever other body parts choose to get involved.

And what other books would I recommend for the self-quarantined among you? Well, if you want to stay on topic, there’s Albert Camus and Daniel Defoe and Giovanni Boccaccio and Jack London—and of course Stephen King.

Maybe, though, you’d be a lot happier changing the subject. You might welcome the chance to match wits with Bernie Rhodenbarr, test your limits with Susan Pomerance, flirt very carefully with Kit Tolliver, or take a long walk with Guthrie and Sara and their friends. Who knows where it might lead you?

Indeed, who knows where anything might lead any of us? I wish you a pleasant journey, even if you never leave your house, and a good measure of joy along the way.