Well, it seems only fair. But don’t skip this. A couple of times over the years I’ve hooked up with StoryBundle, joining other writers to offer a combined ten ebooks at a near-giveaway price. This time the theme is Femme Fatale, and my contribution is Candy, a very early venture into erotic noir. But look what else you get:

You’ll probably know some but not all of these writers—and that’s why you can get four of the books for $5, or all ten for $15. StoryBundle is a promotional vehicle for participating authors, and we hope that having been introduced to our work you’ll want more of it.

Five bucks for four books, fifteen for the whole package. (You can pay more if you’re so inclined, which makes about as much sense to me as tipping at toll booths. But what do I know?) Meanwhile, go to the StoryBundle page, where you can click on individual cover art to read a description of each book, along with a passage selected to hook you and reel you in.

StoryBundle’s packages run for a predetermined length of time, so once again I’d advise you to act now. It won’t be a pre-order; as soon as you place it, you’ll be able to download the books on the eReader of your choice. How’s that for Instant Gratification?

It’s okay. How are you feeling these days? Back to running marathons yet?

You know, I’m afraid I’ve aged out of the marathon game. The good news is I’ve put my walker in mothballs and am now getting around with a cane—or, around the house, with nothing but my own two feet. (This came of setting down the cane, walking away from it, and being unable to remember where I left it. It would seem I’ve aged out of the memory game, too.)

Still, I’m getting better, and that pleases me enormously. One thing I realized during the whole health crisis was just how much I wanted to hang around for a while.

Still, didn’t you write a book called Nobody Lives Forever?

You may be thinking of Nobody Runs Forever, a Parker novel written by the late Donald E. Westlake under his Richard Stark pen name. A fine book, and that’s no surprise because the fellow never wrote a bad one. The dandy University of Chicago Press edition sports an introduction by Duane Swierczynski, and—

No, wasn’t there a Scudder book about nobody living forever?

That would be Everybody Dies, and. . .you know, I often find your interruptions annoying, but this time I have to thank you.

Oh? For what?

For jogging my aging memory. Alle sterben.

Huh?

As you may know, I’ve been teaming up with two translators to render the Matthew Scudder series in the German language. We’ve just published Stefan Mommertz’s fine translation of the fourteenth Scudder novel, Everybody Dies, which in German is Alle sterben. That link is for the ebook; it’s also available as a handsome trade paperback, and sooner or later Amazon will list them both on the same page. The ebook, like all of our German ventures, is also available on most platforms internationally: Tolino/Thalia, Apple,Kobo, B&N, etc.

So you’re up to #14.

Not exactly. #15 is already available for the first time ever in German, newly translated by Sepp Leeb. The English title is Hope to Die; the German is Der zweite Tod. It’s one of two books in the series with a different structural twist. Most of the book is narrated by Scudder…

What’s so different about that?

. . .but some sections are seen through the eyes of the bad guy. And he’s one of the nastiest bad guys either I or Scudder ever met. All platforms worldwide, and once again Amazon has the paperback and ebook editions on different pages.

So the first fifteen Scudder novels are now available in German, and…

Um, not quite. Book #10 is A Walk Among the Tombstones, which you may recall was filmed by Scott Frank a couple of years ago, with Liam Neeson as Matthew Scudder. A German publisher bought the rights to publish a film tie-in edition, and then the rights reverted to me, and we’ll be publishing Sepp’s excellent translation any day now, and certainly by the end of the week. The title is Ruhet in Frieden, and while we’re doing it as both ebook and paperback, I can’t give you any links yet.

Why not?

Because it’s not on sale yet, so there’s nothing to link to. But I can show you the cover. Isn’t it a nice one? Pretty and peaceful, even though it is a little disconcerting to see Matt’s name carved in a block of granite. The cover, like the three others shown here, is the work of my Goddess of Design and Production.

What three others? Alle sterben, Der zweite Tod, and what else? Ruhet in Frieden looks very nice, but aren’t you counting it twice?

Nope. I’m counting Candy. The Goddess of D & P did all the covers for my Collection of Classic Erotica. And see how we’ve come all the way back to the StoryBundle bargain? Just scroll up from there, pre-order the graphic novel, and I’ll leave you alone.

High time. I was beginning to feel like Bud Abbott.

Who’s on first, anyway? I’ve been meaning to ask you. Oh, never mind. I suppose I could Google it.

And thanks to all of y’all for putting up with such a barrage of whimsy. Join me, if you will, in the hope that spring will eventually get here. And thank the groundhog for the opportunity to stay inside or the time being—and read.